Homesick; me????? It can’t be possible. But it is true. I think I didn’t understand the meaning of ‘homesick’ until yesterday afternoon. I always thought people who get homesick are well . .. babies. I thought they were scared or fearful individuals who couldn’t cope with change, didn’t like diversity or difference, and just missed their mommies. I can now say that this isn’t true, and I miss my Daddy. Hahahahha!
What I have now come to understand as ‘homesick’ is not so much that you want to leave and go home immediately, because I don’t. Its just a deep longing for a very specific type of love that you have felt.
India is beautiful, magical, majestic even. Everyday amazing, coincidental things just happen. You meet someone new, or discover a new area of town that had just the thing you were looking for. Or you see a new place that, if possible, tops your charts of the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. It is incredible and you are constantly amazed! The newness is so exciting and exhilarating. But at the end of the day, when you come back to your hotel room and you look around. You don’t see anyone you recognize. There is no one there to greet you. No one there to give you a big hug. No one for you to share your day with. Its still just you and India.
I think the phrase “no man is an island” is entirely apt here and now! In the past when I travelled I NEVER got home sick. I barely even missed home. I was so happy to be away from Canada, doing my own thing, experiencing the world, seeing new sights, faces, and places. It was great. I felt more alive and happy than I ever did in Canada. The thought of going back to Canada was draining for me. I never wanted to return back to the motherland. Somehow the difference I was experiencing abroad fed me more than anything else. You can understand my confusion now, with a) naming ‘homesick’ to myself and b) figuring out how to process and cope with it. It is very unfamiliar and uncomfortable to some extent. Its like I don’t recognize or know this feeling and in turn, this part of me.
It made me think about my first day of school. Your parents take you there, they make sure you know who your teacher is, and that she is aware of who you are and that she needs to take care of you. You are in a mix of hundreds of other newbies to school. It is crazy and noisy and chaotic. The bell rings and your parents say their goodbye, let go of you hand and leave you alone. Alone in this new place, with these new people, in this new and unfamiliar place. For a second you panic “oh no, they left me. They really left me. What am I going to do?” For that brief second or two you feel so helpless and experience a sense of deep dread. After those moments of worry and fear another little person, in your same predicament, walks over to you, smiles, and asks if your teacher is the same as theirs. You nod, and they reach over and grab your hand. Now you have a buddy and now you can get through all of the newness, all of the difference, all of the change.
I think the feeling of homesick comes and goes when you are travelling as sometimes you have people who reach out and grab your hand and sometimes you have to wait until you are shuffled into your classroom, take your seat, and wait to meet some new friends at recess ;)
What I have now come to understand as ‘homesick’ is not so much that you want to leave and go home immediately, because I don’t. Its just a deep longing for a very specific type of love that you have felt.
India is beautiful, magical, majestic even. Everyday amazing, coincidental things just happen. You meet someone new, or discover a new area of town that had just the thing you were looking for. Or you see a new place that, if possible, tops your charts of the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. It is incredible and you are constantly amazed! The newness is so exciting and exhilarating. But at the end of the day, when you come back to your hotel room and you look around. You don’t see anyone you recognize. There is no one there to greet you. No one there to give you a big hug. No one for you to share your day with. Its still just you and India.
I think the phrase “no man is an island” is entirely apt here and now! In the past when I travelled I NEVER got home sick. I barely even missed home. I was so happy to be away from Canada, doing my own thing, experiencing the world, seeing new sights, faces, and places. It was great. I felt more alive and happy than I ever did in Canada. The thought of going back to Canada was draining for me. I never wanted to return back to the motherland. Somehow the difference I was experiencing abroad fed me more than anything else. You can understand my confusion now, with a) naming ‘homesick’ to myself and b) figuring out how to process and cope with it. It is very unfamiliar and uncomfortable to some extent. Its like I don’t recognize or know this feeling and in turn, this part of me.
It made me think about my first day of school. Your parents take you there, they make sure you know who your teacher is, and that she is aware of who you are and that she needs to take care of you. You are in a mix of hundreds of other newbies to school. It is crazy and noisy and chaotic. The bell rings and your parents say their goodbye, let go of you hand and leave you alone. Alone in this new place, with these new people, in this new and unfamiliar place. For a second you panic “oh no, they left me. They really left me. What am I going to do?” For that brief second or two you feel so helpless and experience a sense of deep dread. After those moments of worry and fear another little person, in your same predicament, walks over to you, smiles, and asks if your teacher is the same as theirs. You nod, and they reach over and grab your hand. Now you have a buddy and now you can get through all of the newness, all of the difference, all of the change.
I think the feeling of homesick comes and goes when you are travelling as sometimes you have people who reach out and grab your hand and sometimes you have to wait until you are shuffled into your classroom, take your seat, and wait to meet some new friends at recess ;)
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