Creep Factor

Indian Men

    Many members of my family and my friends were concerned about me traveling alone in India as a SWF (single white female). I was not worried as I have traveled extensively, particularly in Latin America where men are lude and crass and overtly sexual. Beyond this I feel very confident as a woman and as a traveler and don’t feel that I would attract a situation where I may be harassed or assaulted. Even though anything can happen I really wasn’t concerned.
    Now that I have been in India for two months I can understand why everyone has been so concerned. Nothing bad has happened to me but Indian men are insane. I should rephrase that and say ‘most’ Indian men are insane. I am already always watched anywhere I go in India due to the colour of my skin and from simply being a tourist. But the way Indian men look at me, other female tourists, and other women in general is awful. The word my friends and I have chosen is “creepy”. But beyond being creepy it leaves you with a really disgusting feeling. Despite never being touched or having an altercation with a man here in India, you still feel like they somehow got under your skin and it is incredibly unpleasant. The leering, the gesturing, the bonding of Indian guys viewing women is just terrible. Beyond terrible it is really draining. You feel like you always have to be on guard and deflecting these sexual psychic vampires that they are. It wears you out after awhile.
    There have been two circumstances so far that really pissed me off. One was when I was in Udaipur. I was going for a walk down a different set of streets. Most of the shop keepers will call out to you asking if you want to buy something. One such shop that I passed had a teenage boy, probably not any older than 15, and as I passed by he said “Hello, want sex”. I immediately stopped dead in my tracks whipped around and demanded “what did you say”? When he replied he changed his tune and said “hello, how are you?” As I walked off I could hear the boy and his friend giggling and mimicking what I had said.
    About two weeks ago I was on the beach with a friend, a guy in fact. A group of three Indian guys approached us. We thought they were from the restaurant we had ordered from so we greeted them pleasantly. They came to shake our hands, which we thought was normal. However one of the men, the youngest in the group, made a gesture when he shook my hand, which basically means he wanted to have sex with me. I pulled my hand away immediately recognizing what was going on and then realising that they were not from the restaurant but they were just coming over to be rude.
    In speaking with other travelers it seems as though we have come to the consensus that most Indian men think that either tourists or Western women are strictly there for sex. It is near impossible to broach being a friend to them as their minds immediately go to sex, or rather viewing you as a sexual object. I think that may be the most exhausting part is that you are constantly being subjugated and sexualized by these voyeurs who don’t give a shit about you other than what they can get from between your legs. It totally sucks.
    Rachel and I were discussing this one day and she said that Indian men should be pulled aside and taught how to properly behave with women, and with Western women, especially when working in the tourism industry.
    While I have been in India, actually while I was staying in Delhi an Indian woman was gang raped on a local bus. Apparently she was with her boyfriend at the time, but the group assaulted him and then attacked his girlfriend. She later died in hospital. This story caused a huge controversy in India. It was not only all over the papers but everyone was talking about it. Call me crazy but I could almost feel a bit more tension amongst women in the Ladies train cart during that time. All of a sudden there was an awareness of un-safety, insecurity, and danger. Protests broke out amongst the major universities, people started lobbying for stronger punishments against those convicted of sexual assault and rape. This event really stirred the pot in India, and for good reason.
    In chatting with my new cousin, Phoebe, she too sees the dangers, the discrimination, and inequalities amongst women in India. She is twenty years old and is just merging into her life and her womenhood, and this is what she is up against. From what I am told, the North of India is more dangerous. In Goa, there are so many beaches, and such a tourist culture that modest dress is not that common at all. In fact I made sure to dress appropriately when I went to meet my Goan Family, and Phoebe was far more relaxed and casual about her dress than my concern. 
    In terms of womens’ issues and equality things are certainly not perfect in Canada either. There is still so much work to be done on behalf of equality and simply respect and appreciation for both genders. That being said I know I can walk down the streets of Toronto, or Calgary, and not feel like I need to scrape off the layer of creep that I have been coated in while in India. There is a long way to go and I am happy to do my best to make changes towards a safer India, Canada, and world for women!

NB**  Ultimately I love all people. I love people of all types, sorts, and kinds. I feel saddened and disappointed that I am limited, in terms of friendship here in India. That being said not all Indian men are the same and I have been lucky enough to experience some great India men out of the masses and for that I am grateful!