The Empress' New Clothes

Was it all a dream?

    I have been back in Canada for over a week now. It has been a week of remembering what my life is here in Canada, while beginning to introduce the knowledge and experience of my time in India. It feels uncomfortable. Like an article of clothing that doesn’t quite fit. Not sure if it is something I bought that I am hoping to grow into, or something I bought with the vain hope that I will slim down and then be able to slide into. Perhaps it is an article of clothing that has been tailored to fit me exactly but still doing the final alterations. Any way it is suppose to fit it is new and unfamiliar to me.
    As each new day passed, here in Canada, India would seem so unbelievable and I would find myself asking “did that actually happen”? Coming back to Canada, from India, was like waking up from a crazy dream  that you cannot seem to forget, and that you don’t want to!
    Seeing the things I saw, and experiencing the things I experienced in India are still new to me. It is all still sinking in and becoming part of my being, part of my personality, part of my conscious and unconscious. It is still settling in. Part of me doesn’t like it. Like I said I feel, or it feels, uncomfortable. It is unusual, unfamiliar, and so unique that I almost cannot take it. Like it is too good to be true. For example I met someone who I think is the modern day Martin Luther King; Dr.Vandana Shiva. She is working on such important things that I do believe she is at the root, or is planting the seeds, that will  change the face of the global food chain. That is pretty impressive and INCREDIBLE that I was able to meet her, and see her speak, twice!
    I also lived one of my dreams; to learn Indian Classical dance. It may not seem like anything special or particularly challenging to do, its not like I climbed Everest or anything. But it has been so important and significant to me and it just fell into my lap. I hadn’t gone in search of it, it came to me, which made it all the more special. Again, slightly unbelievable!
    While I was in India I faced a very difficult challenge. I had to acknowledge and name abuse and neglect towards one of the women at the community I was staying in. This challenged me deeply in terms of standing up for basic human rights and entitlements, but it also challenged me by having to face my own sense of neglect and abuse throughout my life. Scary stuff and difficult to address when you are completely out of your comfort zone and don’t know how to begin broaching this topic.
    These three things changed me. They shaped me, molded me, shook me, and affected me so deeply that I know I will never be the same. This is not to say I am a completely different person and will never again be the Stephanie that everyone knows and loves, or at least I think they do. But just that these things are now a part of me, and always will be. There is no looking back. It is almost like I have just entered my 20’s. I am no longer in my “teens“, I am no longer still in my “youth“, no longer a juvenile, adolescent, or baby. I have officially left that behind and am merging into a new era. Ironic that I should compare it to coming into my twenties when I am actually leaving my twenties in a few short months! Curious! Curious indeed!
    Well that’s it. India brought me into a different sense or understanding of adulthood and it doesn’t fit quite right just yet. So I answered my postulation; it is something I am growing into!